Second Best
by tsusami
Summary: Naruto questions if he has walked alongside the right person or chosen the wrong path. AU older Naruto x Gaara


Happy Naruto x Gaara Fan Day everyone! This was supposed to be a one-off, but then there were feelings and it started to get pretty long. Hopefully I can wrap this one up in a few chapters. :D Enjoy~ Also, I posted this one in a hurry so forgive me for the mistakes and lack of editing. :3

* * *

_You cannot exist with the hand-me-downs of happiness without dying a slow death. _

_- Pablo Neruda_

The sky is a blur of muddled light. Naruto keeps his eyes tipped heavenward as though he could admire it through the tears. Another sob racks his body. He clasps his hand over his mouth, but they won't stop. He sinks to his knees, his hands digging into the earth while his body shakes with hoarse cries.

He hears footsteps and he silences himself. He sniffs and straightens himself up, wiping his eyes hastily.

A pair of arms wrap around him from behind, gathering him tight against a solid chest. "Let it out," Gaara's voice whispers in his ear.

Naruto sinks in on himself. He feels as though all his weight has left him and only Gaara's arms are keeping him upright. They sink to the ground together and he turns, sobbing into the crook of Gaara's neck. One hand rubs his back in a soothing gesture and Naruto hugs Gaara tighter, curling against him. Gaara leans his head against Naruto's, their cheeks pressed together.

"Let it go," Gaara whispers again. Gaara's mouth brushes against his cheek with each word, a puff of warm air washes over his skin. Naruto finds comfort in Gaara's warmth and presence. He nuzzles against Gaara like a cat.

Gaara presses a kiss to Naruto's temple. And when Naruto lifts his face higher, another is pressed to his cheek. Their eyes meet and Gaara pauses like he has suddenly reached a bridge he isn't certain he should cross. Naruto licks his lips, but even he pauses. He blinks through the tears and he meets the green eyes filled with hesitation. There is a weight behind Gaara's look that Naruto understands. He is tempted to close his eyes, but he resists. Gaara's hand tightens against his jacket. There is a longing there and Naruto feels his face heat up. He brings his face up and his lips brush the corner of Gaara's mouth. Gaara's breath rushes out of him, his arms squeezing Naruto and crushing their bodies together while Gaara's mouth comes down hard on his own.

* * *

**Second-best**

_Chapter One_

* * *

Naruto stands at the doorway, admiring the dark silhouette bent over the potted plant on the windowsill. The warm light of the fading sun slips over the high Konoha rooftops in long slants, spilling against the blue watering can or a stray strand of pink hair. Naruto smiles at the deliberate care with which she holds the can, water spilling out in exact measure. She bends at the waist, fingers turning the leaves like a doctor inspecting a patient.

Sakura sets the watering can down on the windowsill. A sigh escapes her like a puff of wind. "I know you're there," she says. "You could have warned me you were dropping by."

She turns her face, a sliver of her skin golden in the sunset save the dark smudges under one visible eye. Naruto moves forward to greet her, embracing her warmly.

"You're always working."

She bats his arm lightly. "So are you." She pulls away and looks him over, poking his forehead. "I expected to see you sooner. You're supposed to be packing. Or did you delegate that unfortunate task to Konohamaru?"

Naruto chuckles, the sound reverberating in his chest. "But he's so thorough! And besides, I wanted to see you before I left." Naruto ghosts his hand over his pocket. A box sits there like a stone. It weighs down his robes more than the pouch of coins on the other side. "I wanted to ask your advice."

Sakura's playful expression drops. She lifts her brows, turning and settling onto her couch. Her left hand pats the spot right next to her.

Naruto approaches slowly, glancing at his feet as he settles onto the cushion beside her. He faces her, his knees nearly bumping into hers. She doesn't try to move away and for this he nearly smiles.

"I've been meaning to visit you for awhile now. Somehow the timing just never seemed right." Naruto pauses. _Never, _he thinks to himself, not sure if anything has changed. "I'm sure you heard about me and Hinata..." He swallows heavily. The name still lingers on his tongue like a stone.

Sakura's expression remains blank. She turns her face, eyes settling on the floor. She nods slightly.

"Did you want to talk about it?" Sakura asks.

Naruto shakes his head. His hand slips into his pocket. He holds onto the box he has been carrying. "That's not," Naruto pauses again. He closes his eyes and presses his lips together.

In the silence between them he can hear the chatter of two girls outside the window. Somewhere a shutter slams shut and a child exclaims gleefully.

"What is it, Naruto?" Sakura's hand settles on his knee. He curls his fingers around the box in his robe, resisting the urge to cover her hand with his own.

Opening his eyes he focuses on a painting hanging by the door. It's a scroll with ancient looking scribbles he can't decipher at the moment.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'm walking the right path or if this is where it was meant to lead. I thought that when I reached this point, I would know that it was right. That I wouldn't have so many doubts."

Naruto's heart thrums swiftly against his chest. He is certain his hand would be trembling were it not so tightly wrapped into a fist.

"Sometimes I wonder," he begins. He turns to her then, knowing there is too much hope in his expression. "What if..." he smiles apprehensively.

Her green eyes are wide, expression falling. She pulls her hand away.

Somewhere a wind chime tinkles. A woman calls to her child to come inside. A silence stretches between them and with it, Naruto's well practiced words dissolve. Naruto loosens his fingers and recurls them into a fist. He releases a nervous laugh, scooting his leg further away from hers. "Kind of silly, isn't it? Getting caught up in what-ifs."

Sakura's expression remains stony before softening into something that resembles the teammate he used to know.

"I'm sorry." she says and turns her head. "I can't."

Naruto sighs and releases the box hidden in his robes. He places his hand on her shoulder and squeezes gently. "I know," he says sympathetically. Because he can't forget Sasuke either.

Neither of them ever will.

* * *

Gaara seems distracted. His dark gaze is fixed on her body, but she feels no weight behind it. His thoughts are elsewhere, even as she exposes the tops of her breasts.

"Bad time?" Mei asks, slipping her arm back into her sleeve. She follows his green eyes to the carefully rolled scroll, Konoha's seal broken, set in the middle of his desk. His attention rests there as though he is weighing something, an internal debate being warred in silence.

He blinks and his hand stays hers. His mouth forms a grim line splitting his still young face.

"I apologize," he says with more formality than the situation warrants; a leftover from their earlier meeting. His hand lingers on her arm, the warmth of his fingers penetrating her sleeve. "Where were we?" he asks, slowly sliding the fabric down. Mei watches him as he undresses her. Before her dress is down to her waist his look grows distant. It lacks the spark that has made this tryst so enjoyable.

She slides one finger across his cheek, guides his face up and meets his startled green eyes. "What is it?" she asks. His brow scrunches defensively. He tries to look away, but Mei grabs him, warns him not to. "Your family? The council?" The look eases. Mei searches for something, anything that has seemed unusual this time around. "The hokage?" she asks, thinking of the unpredictable leader expected at Suna's gates any moment now.

Gaara's response is immediate. The expression is fleeting, but it is there. He wipes it away and grabs her roughly. "It is none of your business," he says before pressing his mouth against hers. He shoves her against the desk and Mei is too amused to be angry. She pushes back against the kiss even as her legs wrap around his waist to draw him closer.

* * *

Naruto takes the stairs two at a time. His footsteps echo loudly and his breathless laughter rings through the otherwise silent halls. The guard in front of the Kazekage's door steps forward, arms waving at him and his head shaking emphatically.

"Gaara-sama is unavailable," he says hurriedly even as Naruto's hand settles on the doorknob.

"Too busy for mm...," The words die on his lips. His eyes roam from Gaara's relaxed pose, to the way the often formal kazekage leans toward the ruby red lips whispering into his ear.

When the guard warned him that the Kazekage was busy, Naruto expected paperwork or a pale nose buried deep within a scroll. He anticipates a troubled leader sitting quietly at his desk or leaning over his cacti. It doesn't occur to Naruto that the leader of hidden sand might not actually be alone.

The mizukage stands beside Gaara's chair, her body practically draped over it, while her hand seems to creep lower than Naruto deems diplomatic. Both of them look up at him in surprise and she smiles at him through one pale blue eye from beneath the curtain of her long, auburn hair.

Naruto tries to back up, but it is too late. The woman whispers one last thing in Gaara's ear and his lips ease into a coy smile like he is laughing inside; like they are sharing a private joke. His fingers brush her hand as she slips away from him, lingering in the spot that she had touched.

"I was just leaving," she smiles, walking around the desk. Naruto's eyes roam over her curvaceous body, the long shapely leg exposed by the cut of the dress. Her kage robes are missing and her dress is a little tighter than Naruto remembers. He catches a glimpse of her cleavage as she approaches. He hates that he looks.

"I will be in touch with you shortly," Gaara rises to his feet. "Thank you for your guidance, Mei."

Naruto flinches.

"A pleasure, as always," she purrs. Something silent passes between them and Naruto feels his irritation spike.

Gaara smiles at her in a way that makes him look older, more mature. He smiles at her in a way that makes him seem more like a man and one that understands the opposite sex on a level Naruto is still struggling to attain.

The door shuts behind him and suddenly Gaara's attention shifts. The atmosphere changes instantly. Behind the desk is the Gaara Naruto is more familiar with.

"Has something happened?" Those green eyes harden. Naruto's face heats up.

"No," Naruto's hand slips free of the doorknob and rubs the back of his head. "I'm sorry I ruined your meeting."

Gaara dismisses it with a shake of his head, gesturing with one hand for Naruto to come in and sit.

* * *

Kankuro watches them from the upper landing, not announcing his presence. Even from this distance, he can make out Temari's scowl, her pale cheeks stained pink as she reaches for her fan. Naruto doesn't recognize the danger he is in for his teasing until a sharp comment from Gaara wipes the goofy grin off the young leader's face.

Kankuro cracks a smile. Temari is no longer reaching for her weapon and even subdued, the Hokage smiles. He bows his head and begs Temari's forgiveness. He places his arm around Gaara and says something low into his ear. Kankuro can't hear them, but his brother's expression changes. There is a softness that makes Kankuro almost embarrassed.

There is a long journey ahead of them. Longer still if the Kazekage catches word of the rumors surrounding the Hyuga girl. Kankuro crumbles the latest missive in one hand. He stashes it in his pocket and slowly descends the landing to join them.

* * *

Naruto licks his dry lips and earns a few grains of sand for his efforts. He tries to spit them out but the wind is blowing. He understands now why Gaara has kept his kage hat on, and why the scarf around his neck is high enough to block half his face. Naruto regrets leaving his own hat behind.

He walks a few more steps and tosses up sand with each kick of his heels. It licks along his calves, settles over the top of his boots and sinks in the spaces between his toes. It is warm and uncomfortable, but he knows if he takes off his shoes, the sun-baked earth will burn his feet.

Naruto reaches for his flask and lifts it to his lips. His blue eyes scan the dunes ahead. The earth is a blank canvas throwing up the sun's light. It is painful to look at and Naruto feels his eyes water if he doesn't squint just enough.

In his youth he would have blazed through this sand, chakra be damned. He would have nagged incessantly until they reached their destination. He would have insisted that they move faster or dragged along his teammates until they were ready to drop. He feels slow as he drags his heels, and old though he is barely twenty-five.

"We're almost there," Gaara says quietly beside him. His robes shuffle, his fingertips just brushing Naruto's robe as he lifts his hand and points ahead of them. "Just a mile that way." He traipses up a small incline, setting off a miniature avalanche with his steps. Gaara doesn't drag the way Naruto does. He takes quick short steps, working his way efficiently like an ant up a hill. Naruto watches him, trying not to shut his eyes against the bright midday sun reflecting off Gaara's pristine white robes. Kankuro is less painful to look at, though Naruto cringes, for different reasons, at all that black.

Sai sidles up beside him, the pack on his back nearly half his size. "Hurry up, slow-poke," he smiles, carting along half their luggage like it weighs nothing. Naruto smirks and kicks up more sand, raising his knees high as he ascends the dune. When he reaches the top, he feels it. A hint of a cool breeze that slips away so quickly he wonders if he imagined it. After hours of dry winds, it's refreshing. Naruto shields his eyes and looks out toward the horizon. In the distance the rounded peaks of sand dunes dot the landscape, but these ones have spots of dark vegetation.

Naruto quickens his pace to a brisk walk. After days of traveling he is tired and looks forward to kicking off his sandals and emptying out all the sand.

They reach the dunes with thin grass poking out from beneath the surface. The sand grows coarse, small bits of shell evident where the sand is less fine. Small tufts of hair ruffle in the breeze. Naruto closes his eyes and savors the cool sensation on his damp brow. He spreads his arms wide and relishes it, though it does little to penetrate the layers of clothing he has on. He doesn't need the others to guide him now. In the distance the sun reflects off a deep blue surface and he hears the faint roar of water crashing against the shore.

Naruto feels a surge of energy fill him. He picks up his feet and marches forward, overtaking Sai and Kankuro both. The surf crashes against the sand, and he runs toward it, shucking off his shoes and running knee deep into the water. The water is cool and he drops to his knees, immersing himself entirely. He shoots back up and shakes his head, pushing his bangs back with one hand.

"You'll regret that come night fall," a male voice yells. Naruto looks at the coastline where Kankuro and Temari are grinning at him. Gaara is calmly setting his things down and setting up their camp. Naruto glances out at the horizon. The sun is setting, but he has hours before nightfall. Naruto grins and dives under an incoming wave.

* * *

The flames of the campfire flutter in the cool breeze coming in from the ocean. They rise to an ominous height and Naruto leans away from it, careful to keep away from its reach.

As soon as they leave him he shivers again, hugging his knees closer to himself to feel the warmth of his own body heat. Gaara emerges from his tent, his kage robes in hand. Naruto glances at the robes as Gaara silently holds them out to him.

Naruto accepts them and pulls them over his head. He curls up his legs again and pulls the robe over his feet. They are still warm and when he buries his face into the soft fabric he inhales and smells Gaara.

"I should have warned you," Gaara says, a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Kankuro tried," Naruto mutters as he glances across the fire. Kankuro grins, though he never looks up from the shogi board in front of him. Shikamaru's attention never wavers from the pieces on the board.

"The night will get colder," Gaara replies. He glances up and from this view point, his eyes are shielded. The light dances off his clothes, his arms crossed over his chest.

Naruto senses that Gaara wants to say more and he pauses, waiting for it. But when nothing but silence follows, Naruto follows his gaze to the black sky above them. He sees the moon in the distance, a watery reflection illuminating a small piece of the ocean. Gaara seems to be concentrating on something, but Naruto can't determine what that is.

"So what are we doing out here?" Naruto asks. Gaara's concentration is broken. He comes back down to earth and looks into the fire this time.

"Walk with me a little?" he asks, his voice oddly tense for such a casual request. There is a somber look on his face that makes Naruto understand that he is speaking to the Kazekage now. He gives a stiff nod of his head and climbs onto his feet. There is nowhere for them to go besides the poorly lit beach, but this doesn't seem to be a consideration.

Naruto shakes out the kage robes and settles them around him. Gaara is taller than him now and the robe nearly covers his legs entirely, settling an inch above his feet. He looks to Kankuro and Shikamaru, but neither of them seem concerned by their leaders wandering away from camp. Kankuro flicks one look in his direction and there is a seriousness behind it that makes Naruto uneasy. Whatever the request, it is something Gaara feels the need to tell him alone.

Naruto rubs his arms to bring warmth to them. Gaara is moving silently toward the water, his feet leaving prints in the sand. Naruto follows them, the arches of his feet fitting comfortably into each impression. The sand is cold, this close to the water. He feels the damp and pulls the robes up a little in case the incoming tide reaches him.

Water slithers over his skin and when the tide pulls back he feels his heels sinking into the earth. Naruto digs his toes into the sand to balance himself. He shivers and Gaara stands closer to him. Their shoulders touch and Naruto leans into, shivering against Gaara's warmth.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Gaara's voice is quiet. Naruto stares out at the dark mass of waves. The water looks like ink, the sky the barest shade lighter from the faint light given off by the stars. "If more people could share this beauty I sometimes wonder if any of us would feel compelled to fight."

Naruto smiles at the sentiment. If he spent endless days splashing in the ocean and drying in the sun, he would feel too lazy to do anything else.

"Is this why you dragged me out here? To convince me not to fight?" He glances sidelong at the Kazekage. The argument he had with raikage at their last conference had been bad, but he didn't expect anyone to go to war over it. The stubborn old jiji would forgive him for it next week anyways.

Gaara is silent beside him. Naruto watches him in his peripheral vision, but the other man's gaze is fixed on the horizon.

"I invited you here because I need someone to share my vision." Gaara crosses his arms over his chest. A strong breeze follows the next wave and Naruto too crosses his arms over himself to suppress a shudder. "If I can speak frankly," Gaara continues, "you and I both know the true source of our profitability. If we are to truly achieve our dream for peace, this must be the first thing to change."

Naruto leans away. He watches the sea foam dissolving over his feet, wiggling his toes against it. Shikamaru had combed through all the books. He knew how much money they made and through what means. No matter how he played with it, the bottom line always remained.

"What did you have in mind?" Naruto prompts. This explains why Shikamaru was invited. It explains why Kankuro and his head strategist are calmly allowing them time alone. This trip was something that was planned and likely the approach itself was cooked up by someone close to him. Naruto frowns when he thinks of his subordinates working behind his back, but it means whatever Gaara intends to propose is big.

Gaara waves an arm across the ocean. He turns to face Naruto and in his adjusted vision, he can make out the anxious expression of his dearest friend.

"Imagine this place populated by people. Imagine children from the leaf, and the sand playing together." Gaara points up the coast to a dark land mass stretched like a shadow on the horizon. "River country separates our two lands, but if we could shape a road and develop this land, we could create a bridge between our two countries."

"But the travel papers," Naruto begins.

"Exist because of distrust. For generations we've made travel difficult to keep each other out. We feared spies, or assassins or rogue soldiers who could do us harm. But tell me that you distrust me; that when I send my delegates you secretly fear I'm digging for secrets on the side."

"I'm not the one you need to convince! Of course I trust you! But the other kages... they might see this as favoritism. They might demand to know why we're so close all of a sudden."

"All of a sudden?" Gaara grins, but the expression slips. Gaara's hand settles heavily on Naruto's shoulder. "I'm asking you to believe in me," Gaara says.

He keeps it there, and Naruto feels its weight and its warmth.

"Of course I believe in you," Naruto replies, but the smile on his lips fades quickly.

He trusts Gaara, but trusting a friend with your life and another leader with the welfare of your country are two very different things. Gaara doesn't seem to take his words as is. He is quiet, and the slight formality in the air doesn't dissipate despite their stance.

"But?" Gaara asks. His hand slips away and Naruto shivers at this loss of warmth.

His gaze travels up the dark coast. He has never traveled this route, and he imagines it's a hard road. In his youth he would have embraced it in a heartbeat. He feels his heart sink at the sacrifices he has made.

"It won't be that easy," Naruto says. In his youth he would have smiled and offered foundless reassurances that everything would be okay. He would offer empty promises that he might not keep.

"I never said it would be," Gaara replies. His brow slopes, eyes hardening. "I only ask that you join me in this fight."

The water has crept up on them again. Naruto has forgotten to pull up his robe and he feels the edges grow cold. He exhales roughly as the water slides over his skin.

"Let me think about it," he replies.

Gaara stands silently. Naruto flicks his eyes upward and catches the evaluating stare. He tries not to squirm and averts his eyes to the sky.

In the distance a white light streaks across the sky. He watches it blaze a thin trail before blinking out into the darkness.

A wish sits on the tip of his tongue.

"To think there was a time when you would not hesitate," Gaara says, breaking the silence. His palm cups Naruto's cheek and brings his face up. The dissapointment in Gaara's expression hurts to look at.

Naruto winces, bringing his hand up to Gaara's. He means to pull the hand away, but the box in his pocket feels suddenly heavy and he closes his fingers over Gaara's instead.

A look passes over Gaara's face. A mixture of hope and hurt and old feelings.

Naruto's lips part, his breath hitches. His chest rises as he closes his grip on Gaara's hand. Gaara winces and closes his eyes. His jaw clenches as he pulls his hand away.

"Think about it," Gaara says. "Take all the time you need."


End file.
